feelings.events.memories

know therefore today, and lay it to your heart, that the LORD is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other.

(Deuteronomy 4:39 ESV)

together, yet alone in this busy world. talking but yet not communicating.

school is starting in a week, excited to get back to the flow of things, only thing that scares me now is the things that i have NOT done in preparation for school. and i am not talking about grades and textbooks and getting back into the flow of school. have 4 bible studies to teach next semester (2 in CF and 2 in church) and i really pray for sustenance, that i will continue to rely on the power of His Word and not my own power, since it will be just foolishness anyway. (1 Cor 1)

upon reflection and conversations, i have realized that intellect, although a God-given gift, is one of the biggest stumbling blocks in my ministry. as much as i can perceive and understand, though not at the level of the scholars, relating to ones less mature than me might overwhelm them, especially if i just unload all the theology that i have downloaded over the past year or two. having taken two years to process all that i have learnt, my EQ seems unable to process that fact, and chooses to naturally unleash the bankai of bible knowledge that, though intrinsically would be useful to them, may stumble them as i may make them feel inferior, stupid or something. and honestly its not like i was any better. i got 2 years, they have 2 mins.:/ even though i have the innate knack of simplifying theories, i realize that sometimes it just does not cut it, especially if i am reading 2 chapters of romans (though VERY HIGHLY REWARDING) to them.

bible performance, not bible knowledge.

having prepared philippians 2 and reading through deuteronomy (though not religiously, sigh) on my own, i have reminded about how it is God who works, God chooses (such a wretch as me), for His own good pleasure. thanking God for Jesus everyday, the free gift, the example of how to live, and i just pray that i will be more bold in my conversations, be more upfront about God and Jesus, more emphatetic in my words that i may relate to Christians, mature and not, and non-Christians about the gospel that saves. help me to flee from temptation, especially lust :( and seek first the Kingdom of God and God's righteousness.

thank you Jesus.

after work on thursday, we had this potluck thing for the international freshers. during their internationals briefing, we went around, giving them fliers and inviting them as a CF for a dinner, to get to know a bit more about Singapore, to play some games, and to invite them to CF, ultimately to hear about Jesus.

being the typical singaporean i was, i was just skeptic about all of this to begin with. how would i talk to them, what could i talk about? i barely made conversations with any PRC people before, yet alone people who were completely new to my country. i have so much ministry to do back in church, people in Singapore who need the gospel as well, why dilute my efforts?

God was working last night, for some reason, I just knew it. even with my relatively new-found conviction in Jesus, i wouldn't call myself a spiritually sensitive person by any means. but I could really see the gospel working in people around me in the CF. how they just went about making friends and talking to the internationals so freely, encouraging me to do the same. talking to the internationals about school and their concerns, bringing in God, religion and Jesus even, whenever they could. the night was as perfect as it could be, sign ups for CF camp, for Just Looking, and many new friendships formed for the lost souls that they are (just like I once was back in Manchester as a student on exchange). God was there, showing me grace, and giving me more grace to do his work.

God give me the grace to remember these people in prayer, that I may continue to have your heart for the lost, and not lust after things that I want.

i began some reading this morning on stuff after sermon on the mount, when i came to this familiar passage, on the cost of following Jesus.

i was left rather perplexed by the end of this reading, even though it was a passage that i have read countless times, and have even taken lessons away from. i know that the cost of following Jesus is great, so great that you have to give up things of the world, but surely not this. how heartless could Jesus be? leave the dead the bury their own dead?

in YF last week, there was teaching about how as Christians we are to relate to God as our Father, not your Father or his Father, but our Father, our very own. how does this reconcile, if we treat our own fathers on earth like that?

i found some clues in John Calvin's commentary:

"children should discharge their duty to their parents in such a manner that, whenever God calls them to another employment, they should lay this aside, and assign the first place to the command of God."

the disciple that asked Jesus the question was talking about the future death of his father and his duty to his father to bury him, as opposed to the need to follow Jesus immediately. "not now" or "maybe later" or "i have no time for religion" or "i am too busy" too often become things that non-believers or i dare say many believers end up saying. and Jesus has that response to them. believe now, there is work to be done now. if this takes you away from believing now, you need to put it aside now, because there are more important things to do now.

what is stopping you from believing now?

what is stopping you from acting now?

put it aside, come to Jesus, now. the hour is at hand.

other things of note:

this sounds terribly like something observable.:/ led into the googling by an innocuous article about indonesian politics. what are the chances.